i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
