Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
