Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
