We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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