I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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