oh god the rape fog is back!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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