I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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