From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
