Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
