man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
