We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize