So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
