she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
