for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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