What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
