What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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