Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
