Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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