if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
