New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
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I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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