well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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