i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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