I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my poor anus
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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