my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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