we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
