I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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