I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
