Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
