you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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