Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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