Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
