What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
where am i from again
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
