Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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