a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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