its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
