2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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