I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
