My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
