we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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