What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
And then he peed in my hair
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