Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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