they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
