You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
why do cheetos always look like penises
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
