just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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