Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
