I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
