I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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