come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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