I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
