oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How's work?
Spinning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
