I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
