Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
