Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize