I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
