Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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