I just made out with a guy for $7.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
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He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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