I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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