Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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