I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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