no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
