Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
