I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
