Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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