if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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