becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?