i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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