Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
is that a dick in a sweater?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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