So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
