Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
