Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i think my cat just said my name.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
