i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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