Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
