dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
