apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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