I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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