If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh god the rape fog is back!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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