Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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